Small Talk

So let's have a big talk about small talk. I real dislike small talk. Actually, I don't dislike small talk per say; I just dislike the way people utilize it. I understand the intention that small talk is meant to have, but many people in my opinion fail at grasping its intent. For most people, they rely solely on small talk in order to learn more about the people they meet and from those generic answers decide whether the person warrants continued interaction. To me, this use of small talk completely undermines the purpose of small talk. Small talk is simply a social barrier that must be broken down before really getting to know someone. It's like reading a list of ingredients for a cake except the only items on the list are flour, eggs, and baking powder. Yes, that may make some basic version of a cake, but it won't have any flavor or sweetness. Let me explain.

For all of those questions, I hate that I am solely getting the rehearsed answer that has probably been given to hundreds of people. Every college student has been asked the soul sucking question of "what do you want to do when you graduate?" For me, that question will reveal the absolute smallest amount of discernible information about who you are as a person. Why? Because I know that you've been asked that question dozens of times. Therefore, societies repetitiveness forced you into creating a socially acceptable answer to said question just in order to end the conversation as quickly as possible. This is typically true due to the fact that only about 0.1% of college students have any certainty in their plans after college and find it embarrassing to express that fact to a complete stranger that they just met. I know that I do. Therefore not only do I have to listen and comprehend your response that I know is calculated, but now I have to try and analyze your response in order to find out the what is worth taking from it. Did he pause before answering? That might tip off that he's uncertain about this plan. Did she slip in something about her Dad being an engineer as well? That could mean that she pursued this field and this future plan not out of passion but instead some sort of family influence. This is the sort of stuff going through my head when I'm experiencing small talk. The answers ooze of preconceived thought.

I prefer organic and off the cuff conversations that encourage people to think on their toes and show a side of themselves most rarely attempt or even care to see. These interactions tell a person's true character. I'll do the small talk for a little while as my stepping stone, but I really am simply waiting for the right time to jump in and begin the true interactions. I like to ask questions that make people seriously reflect on something. Sometimes history. Sometimes nature. And sometimes simply on themselves. Nothing tells more about a person than a probing question that they never anticipated. If you are a close friend of mine, you know the sort of questions to which I am referring. Some of my favorites include: would you rather try and survive for 5 minutes against a shark or a brown bear? how many 5 year-old children do you think you could take in a fight on your own? and what single word would you hope all people describe you as? For the record my answers are shark, about 40, and, although my word has typically always been "honest", I have been considering a change to "understanding" instead.

Questions like these create debate and interaction. They spawn environments where people may actually express themselves openly without hiding behind their fabricated responses and peer-pressure. It's a place where the possibility of knowing a person beyond what they simply WANT you to know about them exists. That is the sort of way I want to know people. That is the sort of way I want people to know me. Maybe I'm just crazy and this utopia will never exist where people willfully share themselves and their ideas without reservation, but I like to think that every time I ask these sorts of questions I push the world a little closer to that ideal world that I want to live in. And that seems worth it to me.