Foot In Mouth Syndrome

I'm sure everyone has experienced that time when they say something that they truly believe to their core, but, after saying it, it just doesn't sit well. Now imagine that happening 2-3 times a week, and you'll get a glimpse of what my life is like!! It rarely is anything malicious or hurtful, but it always causes people to pause with surprise forcing me to explain myself. I have always struggled with filtering my beliefs and comments. Literally since I was a kid it's been around. That over bearing feeling that every stupid thought that flows through my head some how needs expressing due to its inflated magnitude. I have tried to rationalize where this desire comes from. It may have something to do with growing up with four extremely intelligent older brothers and little me hoping that just one of my millions of thoughts might be worthy of their acknowledgment. As the saying goes, "you miss every shot you don't take", so I guess I defaulted to expressing everything that flowed through my young brain to increase my chances!!

Nowadays though, I've always rationalized that those comments that toe the line are worth saying since I may be the only person that has the guts to speak up in this situation and hopefully cause whomever is involved to grow and learn something. Contrary to what people may believe, I never comment on things to intentionally hurt anyone. I am not a spiteful or malicious person.

I recently had a very long talk with my Dad about a whole variety of things, and one of our topics was the fact that I hold such high regard in honesty and expressing my view to anyone and everyone. He told me about how in his experience, extreme honesty tends to alienate others from you rather than creating camaraderie or strong bonds with them. He explained that, to him, holding honesty in such high regard is a way of trying to make yourself feel better about saying things that should go unspoken by simply saying "hey, I'm just being honest". I think that he has a point about that. It's almost as if my being openly honest makes my brain then say "well, why can't all the rest of these people be as honest as I'm being? I'm showing them how easy honesty is!!" That isn't the way it works though. You don't receive honesty from others by being honest. You receive that when you have trust and respect. 

However, although I come to rationalize this with the help and guidance of friends and family, it still isn't the easiest to filter everything that my brain tries to say or keep from getting frustrated when I feel others are not being as honest as my brain tells me they should be. I have my own level of transparency about myself and my thoughts, but I need constant reminders to the fact that others have different levels of openness and honesty that may not be as far down the spectrum as I am. That's perfectly understandable though, and I need to learn to not be as bothered by it. It will save a lot of time for me with not having to constantly remove my foot from my mouth, and probably build a lot stronger relationships with those people that I interact with, which is the most important thing. I enjoy connecting and learning about other people, and my honesty gets in the way far too frequently. I intend to make a point of fixing that going forward. It will be a long road, but acknowledgment is the first step. Wish me luck!